Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
