Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
