***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
