you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
