Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There's always time for handjobs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
