remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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