next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
