Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
