idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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