I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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