Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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