on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
