Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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