I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you will always have a special place in my vag
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
