Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
