The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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