i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
