if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
