Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
