I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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