I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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