He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize