ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
