so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
