I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
