We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
