i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize