I think my vagina is haunted
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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