Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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