I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
