We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
