Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
