Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
