You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
