Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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