is your mom at the bar?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
