i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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