I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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