The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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