Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
