Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
