No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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