my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
