you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
