friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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