I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
