My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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