Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
