A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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