Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this will be a night to untag.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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