I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
