so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The best revenge is premature balding
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
