Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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