I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Everyone says I win the strip club
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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