my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
