I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You ruined the universe
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
