Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Randomize
