In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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