My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my shit smells like andre
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
