If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
