just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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