Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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