I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
