i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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