The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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