Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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