Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
