everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want to make out with him forever
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
