just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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