I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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