Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
