ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
pray to the hookup gods
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
