im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
