the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize