Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need to sanitize my soul.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
