so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
