It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
